Our topic today is joy!
Joy is one of the energies that contributes the most to your body AND to living orgasmically!
Embodied joy, where you let your face know it, AND your body know it and BE it, creates the experience of being unstoppable, of being in the flow and having way too much fun in life.
I love having all of my joy!
Do you have all of your joy? If not, the next sentence is for you.
Joy is also an indicator of things needing a closer look when it is ABSENT.
We may think that it is normal to have lost our joy in certain areas, thinking that it is just a rut, and I am here to invite you to look very closely at those places and spaces in your life where joy is no longer a daily or even weekly occurrence.
Let’s do this together, right now! Let’s pick an area in our lives and see how much JOY is present on the daily AND in general.
Let’s take a look at our Orgasmic Living barometer, JOY! I’m also going to give you my 3 A’s to change ANYTHING and get your JOY back!
Check out the video for more on this here:
Now this may be where you stop reading at that is ok. Being present, peeling back the layers and REALLY taking a look at your life takes bravery and courage. It is not always easy to allow yourself to see the things you have not wanted to see.
It is not always easy to be truthful with ourselves, when in actuality we have been happy in denial, and lying to ourselves.
What always has me chuckling to myself here is most of us do our best to be honest and not lie to those we care about, yet we are in small or big ways constantly lying to OURSELVES.
I know this because I used to do this ALL. THE. TIME.
Not on purpose, I did not know I was lying to myself. I was not AWARE of myself and my creations as I am now.
So PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE if you are willing to be brave with me and take a peek, be gentle and kind with yourself.
Alright, now that we are prepared to peek AND be kind to ourselves, let us start the peeking by relaxing our bodies and lowering our barriers. Getting present with our bodies, maybe even cradling our face lovingly.
Now is the time to begin to use our minds eye and LOOK at any and all of the areas of your life that you would like to be living orgasmically, areas where our joy has withered or become absent altogether.
Maybe the joy, the fun, the magic has been replaced by subtle complacency.
Maybe the joy, the fun, the magic has been stomped out by normalcy, routine, responsibility or even avoidance of something that has given way to fear of change or even anger that this area is not what it used to be or what you would LIKE it to be.
Is anything of this sounding familiar?
There is no judgement here when we peek and peel and become present, there is just information.
Information about where we currently are, and where we may have lost our way and forgotten what JOY even was.
IF this is you in any area, do not worry, you are not alone.
Whether it is your relationship with your body, or your relationship with your partner, or your family relationships, or your work/job/business or your money flows, just for right now, pick one of those areas and let’s get really present with that particular area of your life.
As you are beginning to sense, and that I alluded to, this process of reclaiming your joy requires quite a bit of honesty with yourself, lots of vulnerability with yourself, which then also requires a bit of courage to really look at what it is that is truly occuring in any area.
Looking at what you are creating right now in that particular area can be challenging, confronting, upsetting AND the good news is You. Can. CHANGE. It!
You have got to start somewhere.
Once you know where you are you can then be honest with yourself about what it is that you actually like this area to look like.
What would it take for this area to be an orgasmic part of your life?
What would it take?
If it’s not a joyful part of your life then what would it take for it to be more joyful?
I am going to use a romantic relationship as an example.
The relationship has been going on for a while and that has made you happy, made you feel safe. In general it is going well, but when you look at it through this process, you become aware it is not everything that you would like it to be.
OK, this is where the vulnerability and courage comes in. So many of us become aware of something that is not what we would like to be aware of and shut off, turn the other way, bury it.
I am asking you to do the opposite. When you look at your life, I am asking you to look, really look, and be present with whatever it is. Get present with what is, with the gap, the space where your joy got lost or left behind; get clear that something is amiss and Do. Not. Let. Go. Hang onto that deep knowing or yearning- your awareness.
First A to Change Anything- AWARENESS
This leads us to our FIRST A to change anything to get your joy back- AWARENESS.
To be really specific, the JOY of AWARENESS! The joy of awareness is about being vulnerable and present and honest with yourself in all areas of your life, like we have been practicing.
Loving yourself SO much that are willing to allow yourself to be one thousand percent aware of what is actually going on in your own life.
Let’s get back to my relationship example.
So you have become AWARE that you are not as happy as you thought you were before you courageously started this journey with me.
You start noticing the sparks have faded, and it is almost as if you both are on autopilot.
Again the relationship isn’t horrible, or maybe it is a little horrible at times, but you have made it a practice to always reason and justify all the joyless unpleasantness away.
Perhaps you have a little inkling niggling you on and off, or always in the background that you have been ignoring.
Maybe sometimes when you are angry after a disagreement, or a bit more vulnerable than usual, you realize you may be in the relationship more because you are scared of what it would be like on the other side without that relationship.
This is already a huge amount of bravery. To just get to THIS point of awareness. It may be shocking, or scary, but you have already made it here so let’s keep going! Rip the bandaid off!
Maybe you begin to realize you would rather be in a relationship than be single because if you were single you might have to take the spotlight focus off the relationship and put that amount of energy, light and presence on YOU.
You might have to put all the potency and power of your attention on yourself and what it is you would really like to create.
Now as I type this I KNOW that sounds like a positive thing, putting all our energy and focus on ourselves and what we would like to create, but this can be the “scariest” part of all. Knowing what we would truly like and know that we have the ability, skill and power to get us there can be amazing AND for some of us, really intense.
Here’s a secret though, if we infuse JOY into our awareness, having JOY with our awareness and being excited to no longer lie to ourselves things will start to look different quite quickly.
When you have the joy of awareness, when you are willing to look at all the nuances of the areas of your life that are not what you would like them to be, and stop avoiding, stop pretending, it becomes clear where you are choosing against yourself. HOW COOL IS THAT?!
AND as you practice you can actually allow more joy back in by laughing at yourself and laughing at the things that you created when you weren’t willing to be present and clear and honest with yourself.
Being able to laugh at ourselves is such a gift, if we take ourselves too seriously, there is no joy.
Letting yourself have that joy of awareness allows you to get out of judgement of where you are, what you have chosen in the past and what you have been creating in the present.
If you are not aware that something isn’t working, if you are not letting yourself know that something isn’t working, and if you are not letting yourself know that you would like something different then you’re not being fully conscious and aware in that particular area of your life AND this is probably also an area you’ve lost your joy. SHOCKER I KNOW!
Let’s get you off autopilot! Let’s get you back to JOY by allowing the JOY of AWARENESS.
Second A to Change Anything- ALLOWANCE
Once you are willing to look at and have the first step, you are ready for step 2!
Step two, our second A to change anything, is ALLOWANCE.
What the heck is this allowance you talk about Patty?!
Super simplified, allowance means you do not judge yourself, you do not judge anything at all! It is where you are no longer in resistance, reaction or struggle! Doesn’t that sound AMAZING?!
When you are in allowance it is a lot easier to be my favorite energies of curiosity and WONDER!
Allowance might look like OH, okay Wow I am doing that avoidance thing again and that is so interesting! I thought I had already given that up. Whoa, this IS interesting.
Allowance is not the self judging pity party so many of us are used to doing with ourselves; it is not the I suck, I’m terrible, I should not have done this, why do I keep doing this to myself? I’m never gonna be able to change this.
In case it is not clear THAT is NOT allowance.
In that moment you are resisting, you are reacting but most of all you are being MEAN to yourself.
When you have the space of allowance for yourself, the space of no judgement and instead allow curiosity and wonder to INFUSE your awareness, you can actually make a different choice!
When you are not doing the second A of allowance, you get stuck in the polarity of the situation, and it is like being caught in a sticky spider web of no choice.
Let’s get back to the example of the romantic relationship. You are in this relationship and you just were brave enough to get to the AWARENESS that it is not really what you would like it to be.
You know you would now like something different.
Allowance in this example is wow, I created this relationship and I just realized it is not what I would like. If I can create this I wonder what else I can choose to create next or choose or change so that the relationship could change and be something that brings me joy again. Or so that we both may move on and find our joy again.
The non-allowance space is where we tend to go, the space of trauma and drama, you might hear yourself say things like,
- I suck, I’m terrible at relationships
- I’m never gonna get this right
- I’m never gonna find anyone
All the crazy judgments that lead to more judgements and more judgements. This is what I call head-tripping and is also what I call insanity.
When you get yourself stuck in that energy, the energy of spiraling down into a black hole of self deprecation, it makes it very very very very hard to let go, to change and to be the space of allowance that allows a different choice.
The Third A to Change Anything is ACTION
The third A to change anything is ACTION!
First A- AWARENESS, awareness of what is not working, where you have lost your joy.
Second A- ALLOWANCE. The space of no judgement of you, or the relationship, or the other person, where you can laugh at where you currently are. Be the space of awareness and knowing you would like to change it and giving yourself the space for a different choice to become available.
Third A is now take action. Change the thing that isn’t working that has stolen your joy.
Please keep in mind this does not mean the relationship has to end, but what it does mean is something has to change.
You may have to take action and have the conversation you have been avoiding, or take action and stand up for yourself where you normally “go with the flow”. It does not need to be dire.
There is no right or wrong; judging things is how we torture ourselves and make ourselves small. Judgement is how we go down the dark hole and don’t give ourselves choice. It is also where we make it really hard on ourselves to use the third A of Action!
If you are having trouble taking action, come back to the first two As.
Come back to the awareness you got present with and feel it in every pore of your being.
Come back to allowance. Lighten up and let yourself laugh at the mess you have made. Trust that the universe has your back and let go of the judgement.
And then just let yourself LEAP. Leap into action. Any action. Small at 1% change or big at 1000% change. Yes, change can be scary, but it can also be exhilarating!!! And dare I say it, FUN!
It is the journey back to your joy, the journey back to honoring you, the journey of YOUR LIFE! Aren’t YOU worth it?
What are you going to choose?
If you would like to know more, please join me live in my upcoming Masterclass The #1 Mistake Keeping you from Living Orgasmically.
Join the Masterclass here: www.pattyalfonso.sexy/mistake
And please, please, PLEASE remember this, nothing can stop you except you. Don’t let the distractions and doubts stop you from knowing what is possible for you. You can have all you desire and more!